288 Absent Excuses
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The Store |
I feel lucky >
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HELLO BOSS TRYING TO FAX MYSELF INTO WORK TODAY DO YOU NEED A COVER SHEET? |
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I know I'm invited, but when I go to your parties I always feel I'm crashing someone's funeral. |
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I can't stand that jerk in the next cubicle. Oh, that's you? I meant the jerk in the other cubicle. |
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What if I show up and get cubicle rage? We don't want that. |
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I thought I had today off! |
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I won't be able to make it, daycare closed and I need to watch my kids. |
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I'd come in, but something came up. A "Days of Our Lives" plot twist, to be precise. |
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I won't be able to make it, I ran out of deodorant. |
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I won't be able to make it, I've been deported. |
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I won't be coming to your holiday party, I get depressed around all those happy people. |
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What? You expect me to come in on Disaffected Proletariat Day? Well, it's on MY calendar. |
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I have to leave early, I have a doctor appointment at 4:15. |
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The dog ate my will to work. |
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I'm sorry I was absent yesterday, my dog died and we had to bury her. |
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If you don't ask why I'm late, I won't tell. |
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I'm sorry, I must have double booked myself! |
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I thought I'd called in sick, but it was just a dream that I did. |
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I'm sorry I was absent, I must have been asleep dreaming when I thought I called in sick! |
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I won't be able to meet you tonight, my good dress must have shrunk in the wash! |
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Sorry, I'm have an appointment on the corner to buy some crack. |
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I'm sorry, I'm still feeling ill from the packet of cocaine I swallowed to smuggle across customs. |
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I can't make it then, my parents are dying and I need to be with them. |
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I won't be able to make it, I've contracted dysentery from playing Oregon Trail. |
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I won't be able to make it, I have to fix my house after the huge earthquake last night. |
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I can't come to the Easter party, I'm allergic to rabbits. |
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I'm sorry I've been absent, I was busy eloping in a remote Pacific island. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm busy preparing for Elvis' imminent return. |
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I won't be able to make it, my old disease is flaring up and it's embarrassing to talk about. |
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Sorry, had to perform an emergency exorcism. Yeah, I freelance. |
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Wait, aren't I employee of the month? AND YOU EXPECT ME TO WORK?! |
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My brother escaped from the asylum, and I need today off to track him down before he kills again. |
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I won't be in today. Why not? My evil leprechaun abductors told me you'd ask that. |
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I won't be coming to the party because my ex will be there. |
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I can't make it that day, I have an exorcism scheduled then! |
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I won't be able to make it, I have a family emergency. |
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I don't feel like working, so I'm taking a Ferris Bueller day. |
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I'm all out of pants and, believe me, I'm gonna need a larger fig leaf than this! |
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Listen, you really don't want me more than five feet from a toilet today, trust me. |
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I won't be able to make it, it's Flag Day. |
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I won't be able to make it, I have food poisoning. |
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Thanks for the invitation, but I'm from Europe so I don't celebrate Thanksgiving. |
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I won't be able to make it, my friend just croaked and I'm pretty bummed about it. |
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I thought today was a furlough day! |
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I won't be able to make it, my gerbil is in heat! |
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If I even glimpse that cubicle, my soul will collapse in a spiritual cataclysm of epic magnitude. |
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I won't be able to make it, my grandfather just died and today is his funeral. |
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I won't be able to make it today, my grandmother just died and today is her funeral. |
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I won't be coming to school today because my mom grounded me. |
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I won't be able to make it, I've been bad so I'm grounding myself. |
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A groundhog bit my tire, causing it to go flat. |
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1 2 3 4 5 6 | Follow On Twitter |
The Store |
I feel lucky >
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