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288 Absent Excuses

HELLO BOSS TRYING TO FAX MYSELF INTO WORK TODAY DO YOU NEED A COVER SHEET? Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I know I'm invited, but when I go to your parties I always feel I'm crashing someone's funeral. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I can't stand that jerk in the next cubicle. Oh, that's you? I meant the jerk in the other cubicle. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
What if I show up and get cubicle rage? We don't want that. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I thought I had today off! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, daycare closed and I need to watch my kids. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'd come in, but something came up. A "Days of Our Lives" plot twist, to be precise. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I ran out of deodorant. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I've been deported. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be coming to your holiday party, I get depressed around all those happy people. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
What? You expect me to come in on Disaffected Proletariat Day? Well, it's on MY calendar. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I have to leave early, I have a doctor appointment at 4:15. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
The dog ate my will to work. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm sorry I was absent yesterday, my dog died and we had to bury her. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
If you don't ask why I'm late, I won't tell. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm sorry, I must have double booked myself! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I thought I'd called in sick, but it was just a dream that I did. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm sorry I was absent, I must have been asleep dreaming when I thought I called in sick! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to meet you tonight, my good dress must have shrunk in the wash! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Sorry, I'm have an appointment on the corner to buy some crack. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm sorry, I'm still feeling ill from the packet of cocaine I swallowed to smuggle across customs. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I can't make it then, my parents are dying and I need to be with them. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I've contracted dysentery from playing Oregon Trail. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I have to fix my house after the huge earthquake last night. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I can't come to the Easter party, I'm allergic to rabbits. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm sorry I've been absent, I was busy eloping in a remote Pacific island. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I'm busy preparing for Elvis' imminent return. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, my old disease is flaring up and it's embarrassing to talk about. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Sorry, had to perform an emergency exorcism. Yeah, I freelance. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Wait, aren't I employee of the month? AND YOU EXPECT ME TO WORK?! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
My brother escaped from the asylum, and I need today off to track him down before he kills again. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be in today. Why not? My evil leprechaun abductors told me you'd ask that. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be coming to the party because my ex will be there. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I can't make it that day, I have an exorcism scheduled then! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I have a family emergency. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I don't feel like working, so I'm taking a Ferris Bueller day. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm all out of pants and, believe me, I'm gonna need a larger fig leaf than this! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Listen, you really don't want me more than five feet from a toilet today, trust me. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, it's Flag Day. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I have food poisoning. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Thanks for the invitation, but I'm from Europe so I don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, my friend just croaked and I'm pretty bummed about it. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I thought today was a furlough day! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, my gerbil is in heat! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
If I even glimpse that cubicle, my soul will collapse in a spiritual cataclysm of epic magnitude. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, my grandfather just died and today is his funeral. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it today, my grandmother just died and today is her funeral. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be coming to school today because my mom grounded me. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I've been bad so I'm grounding myself. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
A groundhog bit my tire, causing it to go flat. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook

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