288 Absent Excuses
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I feel lucky >
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I'm uncomfortable with the way the men in the office look at me. It's like they expect me to work. |
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You left a message for someone named Janet, asking why she wasn't in today. MY NAME IS ANNETTE! |
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I'll be in after 5 today to burn the office down. I mean midnight oil. |
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I'm not coming to school, I'm sick of listening to all my friends sing Miley Cyrus. |
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Listen, I'd just stare at a spreadsheet and play furtive matches of Minesweeper anyway. |
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I'm not coming, I hate people. |
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I won't be able to make it, there's mold growing around my house and it's making me sick. |
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I'll come in, but I need some inspiration. Can you read the motivational posters in the break room? |
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I'm sorry, I'll be busy moving that weekend. |
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I need today off to move into my new apartment. |
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My mugshot has an appointment with the morning news. You'll understand when you see. |
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I won't be able to make it, I have to camp out to get the new game! |
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I won't be able to make it, I have to camp out to get tickets to the new movie! |
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I won't be able to make it, I think my new piercing is infected. |
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I won't be able to make it, my new tattoo needs time to heal. |
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I'll go to church in my next life. |
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I won't be coming in to work today. A Nigerian banker is giving me all the money I'll ever need. |
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I'm sorry I was absent yesterday, I don't want to talk about it. |
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I'll come in when we get those office environment improvements. Like, where are those strippers? |
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I won't be able to make it, an old friend just stopped by for a surprise visit. |
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My excuses work only if you have an iPhone. |
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Damn. I have a scheduling conflict with my oompah band. |
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I'm sorry, I have an operation scheduled then. |
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I'm out smoking. What I want to know is how you noticed that I didn't smoke but not that I was here all day. |
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I won't be able to make it, I have to work late tonight. |
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I won't be able to make it, I just had a panic attack. |
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I won't be able to make it, my good pants shrunk in the wash! |
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I'll come in if you don't mind me smoking and pacing while I mutter paranoid fantasies to myself. |
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I'm in the parking lot, but that's as far as I'll go! |
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I'm sorry I was absent yesterday, I couldn't find parking. |
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I won't be able to make it, I was out all night partying. |
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I'm not coming to your holiday party, you have pathetic decorations. |
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I'm sorry, but I can't travel there because I'm allergic to the peanuts they serve on airlines. |
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Oh, I only PENCILED in work today. |
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You mean you want me to come in today and waste this perfectly good excuse? |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm having period cramps. |
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I need to stay home today to nurse my pet gerbil back to health. |
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I'm sorry, I'm pet sitting for a friend that day. |
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I'm sorry I didn't call in yesterday for sick leave, I forgot the phone number. |
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I won't be able to make it for a few days, I have pinkeye and it's highly contagious. |
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Ever see that Playboy cartoon where the guy is calling in sick from an S&M dungeon? Oddly enough... |
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I was away at the political protest yesterday. |
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Can't make it in today. Got post-industrial capitalist malaise. I'm pretty sure I caught it at work. |
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I can't take time off for that, my potted plant needs constant supervision. |
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I won't be able to make our date, my friend just thought it would be funny to set us up. |
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Thanks for the invitation, but I'll be praying on Christmas, not partying. |
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I had a premonition that I will get into a car crash today, so I don't feel safe driving to school. |
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I had a premonition that I will get into a car crash today, so I don't feel safe driving to work. |
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I won't be able to make it, I pulled my back last night. |
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I won't be able to make it, there's rain, sleet, and snow outside, and I'm no postman. |
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1 2 3 4 5 6 | Follow On Twitter |
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I feel lucky >
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