226 Church Excuses
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I feel lucky >
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I won't be able to make it, I've been deported. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my usual route was closed for maintenance and I got lost finding my way here. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my dog crapped in my shoe. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my dog likes to hide my car keys. |
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I'm sorry I was absent yesterday, my dog died and we had to bury her. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my dog ran out the front door as I was leaving and I had to catch him! |
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I'm sorry I'm late, there was a salesman at my door who just wouldn't leave. |
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I'm not coming to church, I want to relax on my day off! |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I had a power outage last night and now my electric car won't start. |
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I'm sorry I've been absent, I was busy eloping in a remote Pacific island. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm busy preparing for Elvis' imminent return. |
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I won't be able to make it, my old disease is flaring up and it's embarrassing to talk about. |
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Sorry, had to perform an emergency exorcism. Yeah, I freelance. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got lost pulling off the road for an emergency vehicle. |
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I can't make it that day, I have an exorcism scheduled then! |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I had to feed my canary. |
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I won't be able to make it, it's Flag Day. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got a flat tire on my way here. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my flight got delayed. |
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I'm not coming to church, I've been touched by the flying spaghetti monster's noodly appendage. |
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I won't be able to make it, I have food poisoning. |
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I won't be able to make it, my friend just croaked and I'm pretty bummed about it. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my garage door wouldn't open. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, the gate to my gated community wouldn't open. |
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I'm sorry, I'm just genetically predisposed to be late. |
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I won't be able to make it, my gerbil is in heat! |
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I'm not coming to church because God doesn't like me. |
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Going to church is not in God's plans for me. |
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I'm sorry I'm late -- the only way I can deal with you is after a few stiff drinks. |
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I won't be able to make it, my grandfather just died and today is his funeral. |
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I won't be able to make it today, my grandmother just died and today is her funeral. |
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I won't be able to make it, it's hailing outside! |
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I won't be able to make it, I have a massive hangover. |
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I won't be able to make it, I have a splitting headache. |
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I won't be able to make it, I sprained my neck headbanging at a metal show last night. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm suffering from heatstroke. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my hernia was acting up this morning. |
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I won't be able to make it, a car hit me as I was crossing the street. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got waylaid by a crazy homeless man on my way here. |
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I won't go to church until they accept me for being homosexual. |
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I won't be able to make it, my horse bit me hard. |
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I won't be able to make it, I spilled hot coffee in my lap this morning. |
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I'll pray on my own, I don't like sharing pews with sinners and hypocrites. |
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I'm not coming to church, I've seen the darkness and I've converted to Satanism. |
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I'm not coming to church, I'm allergic to incense. |
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I'm not coming to church, I don't need an intermediary to reach God. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I had to iron my good clothes. |
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I'm not coming to church, I get my sermons when Jehovah's Witnesses come to my door. |
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I'm not coming to church, the image of Jesus on the cross freaks me out. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm busy preparing for Jesus' imminent return. |
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1 2 3 4 5 | Follow On Twitter |
The Store |
I feel lucky >
What's your excuse?
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