389 Work Excuses
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The Store |
I feel lucky >
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I'm sorry I was absent yesterday, my dog died and we had to bury her. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my dog ran out the front door as I was leaving and I had to catch him! |
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If you don't ask why I'm late, I won't tell. |
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I don't have a dog so my other excuse won't work. |
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I'm sorry, I don't speak nerd. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I was trapped by a Jehovah's Witness at my door. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, there was a Mormon at my door who just wouldn't leave. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, there was a salesman at my door who just wouldn't leave. |
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I can't work late today, I'm double parked and if I stay late I might get a ticket. |
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I thought I'd called in sick, but it was just a dream that I did. |
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I was detained by the police. The dream police. They beat me mercilessly with their snooze bar. |
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I'm sorry I was absent, I must have been asleep dreaming when I thought I called in sick! |
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I'm sorry, I'm still feeling ill from the packet of cocaine I swallowed to smuggle across customs. |
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I should be drunk enough by noon to be motivated to come in today. |
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I won't be able to make it, I've contracted dysentery from playing Oregon Trail. |
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I'm not late, I'm just a day early! |
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I won't be able to make it, I have to fix my house after the huge earthquake last night. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I had a power outage last night and now my electric car won't start. |
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I'm sorry I've been absent, I was busy eloping in a remote Pacific island. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm busy preparing for Elvis' imminent return. |
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I won't be able to make it, my old disease is flaring up and it's embarrassing to talk about. |
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Sorry, had to perform an emergency exorcism. Yeah, I freelance. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got lost pulling off the road for an emergency vehicle. |
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Wait, aren't I employee of the month? AND YOU EXPECT ME TO WORK?! |
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My brother escaped from the asylum, and I need today off to track him down before he kills again. |
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I won't be in today. Why not? My evil leprechaun abductors told me you'd ask that. |
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I won't be able to make it, I have a family emergency. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I had to feed my canary. |
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I don't feel like working, so I'm taking a Ferris Bueller day. |
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I'm all out of pants and, believe me, I'm gonna need a larger fig leaf than this! |
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Listen, you really don't want me more than five feet from a toilet today, trust me. |
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I won't be able to make it, it's Flag Day. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got a flat tire on my way here. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my flight got delayed. |
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I won't be able to make it, I have food poisoning. |
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I won't be able to make it, my friend just croaked and I'm pretty bummed about it. |
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You might say I'm hungover, but I prefer the term "funsick," thank you. |
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I thought today was a furlough day! |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my garage door wouldn't open. |
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Sorry I went nuts, I was having a Gary Busey moment. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, the gate to my gated community wouldn't open. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, the gate to the company complex wouldn't open! |
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I'm sorry, I'm just genetically predisposed to be late. |
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I won't be able to make it, my gerbil is in heat! |
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I'm doing my part today by not coming in, which ensures there will be more work for everyone else. |
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If I even glimpse that cubicle, my soul will collapse in a spiritual cataclysm of epic magnitude. |
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As I was heading out the door, I was mauled by my dad's gorilla. |
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I'm sorry I'm late -- the only way I can deal with you is after a few stiff drinks. |
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I won't be able to make it, my grandfather just died and today is his funeral. |
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I won't be able to make it today, my grandmother just died and today is her funeral. |
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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Follow On Twitter |
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I feel lucky >
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