389 Work Excuses
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I feel lucky >
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I won't be able to make it, I just had a panic attack. |
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I won't be able to make it, my good pants shrunk in the wash! |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I'm terrible at parallel parking. |
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I'll come in if you don't mind me smoking and pacing while I mutter paranoid fantasies to myself. |
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I'm in the parking lot, but that's as far as I'll go! |
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I'm sorry I was absent yesterday, I couldn't find parking. |
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I won't be able to make it, I was out all night partying. |
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Oh, I only PENCILED in work today. |
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You mean you want me to come in today and waste this perfectly good excuse? |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm having period cramps. |
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I need to stay home today to nurse my pet gerbil back to health. |
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I'm sorry I didn't call in yesterday for sick leave, I forgot the phone number. |
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I won't be able to work late tonight, I have to pick up my kids. |
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I won't be able to make it for a few days, I have pinkeye and it's highly contagious. |
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Ever see that Playboy cartoon where the guy is calling in sick from an S&M dungeon? Oddly enough... |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I was playing online poker and my hand was too good to fold! |
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I was away at the political protest yesterday. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I popped a tire on my way here. |
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Can't make it in today. Got post-industrial capitalist malaise. I'm pretty sure I caught it at work. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, someone plastic-wrapped my car. |
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I won't be able to work late, someone toilet-papered my house and I have to clean it up. |
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I'm not sleeping, I was praying intensely. |
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I had a premonition that I will get into a car crash today, so I don't feel safe driving to work. |
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I won't be able to make it, I pulled my back last night. |
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I won't be able to make it, there's rain, sleet, and snow outside, and I'm no postman. |
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Sorry I didn't make it to work. It was rained out. By "it" I mean my enthusiasm. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm feeling a little dizzy from fasting for Ramadan. |
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I woke up with a strange rash this morning and I need today off to get it checked out. |
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I have a rash. Even there? ESPECIALLY there. |
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It's not that I don't like to work. On the other hand, no other excuse readily presents itself. |
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I have better things to do, like rearrange my white socks. |
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I won't be able to work late tonight, I'm still recovering from the flu. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I hit every red light on my way here! |
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I'm sorry I've been absent, I finally checked myself into rehab. |
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Sorry I'm late, but time is a relative, subjective phenomenon anyway, so let's not make a big deal. |
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I won't be able to make it, my husband just returned from a tour in Iraq! |
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Everyone tells me I should take more risks, so I tried skydiving and I broke my leg. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I ran over a squirrel and I had to make sure it was okay. |
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I just found out that I'm Persian royalty, so I won't be coming to work for a while. |
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I won't be in today, I'm taking a short sabbatical. |
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Uh, I hope YOU didn't eat the salmon mousse too! |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I was stopped in the street by Sasha Baron Cohen on my way here. |
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I'll be in as soon as I apply just a little bit more soothing talcum powder to my scabies. |
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I could tell you why I was absent, but then I'd have to kill you. |
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I could tell you why I'm late, but then I'd have to kill you. |
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I'd rather not work late tonight, one of the night security guards creeps me out. |
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I won't be able to make it today, I just had a seizure and I need to rest for a while. |
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Look at it this way: I'm sparing you my daily 10% chance of sparking a sexual harassment lawsuit. |
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I won't be able to make it, I just ate shellfish and I think I'm allergic. |
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I didn't know I had that shift. |
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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Follow On Twitter |
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I feel lucky >
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