226 Church Excuses
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I feel lucky >
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I won't be able to make it, I'm having period cramps. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I was playing online poker and my hand was too good to fold! |
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I'm not coming to church, I don't agree with the preacher's political views. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I popped a tire on my way here. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, someone plastic-wrapped my car. |
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I'm not sleeping, I was praying intensely. |
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I won't be able to make it, I pulled my back last night. |
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I'm not coming to church, an afterlife in purgatory is good enough for me. |
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I'm not coming to church, I listen to my sermons on the radio. |
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I won't be able to make it, there's rain, sleet, and snow outside, and I'm no postman. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm feeling a little dizzy from fasting for Ramadan. |
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I have a rash. Even there? ESPECIALLY there. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I hit every red light on my way here! |
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Sorry I'm late, but time is a relative, subjective phenomenon anyway, so let's not make a big deal. |
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I'm not coming to church, I have traumatic childhood memories from my abusive, religious father. |
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Everyone tells me I should take more risks, so I tried skydiving and I broke my leg. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I ran over a squirrel and I had to make sure it was okay. |
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Sabbath was originally on Saturday, and I refuse to come to church on any other day. |
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Uh, I hope YOU didn't eat the salmon mousse too! |
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I don't need to go to church, Santa still brings me presents so I know I'm still good. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I was stopped in the street by Sasha Baron Cohen on my way here. |
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I could tell you why I was absent, but then I'd have to kill you. |
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I could tell you why I'm late, but then I'd have to kill you. |
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I bought some great sermon CDs, so I won't be coming to church for a while. |
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God rested on the seventh day, and so shall I. |
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I won't be able to make it, I just ate shellfish and I think I'm allergic. |
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I won't be able to make it, my good shirt shrunk in the wash! |
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I won't be able to make it, I have to clean my shower grout. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm having bad side effects from my new medicine. |
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I won't be able to make it, a skunk sprayed me as I was walking to my car. |
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I won't be able to make it, I accidentally took my sleeping pills instead of my vitamins. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I sliced my finger making breakfast and had to clean up. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I was stuck behind a slow driver the whole way here. |
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There's a rattlesnake hiding in my lawn, and I'm afraid it'll bite me if I leave for my car. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my car got snowed in. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm snowed in to my house. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got something in my eye on the way here. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got caught in a gash in the space-time continuum. |
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I'm sorry I've been absent, I had my kidneys stolen and sold on the black market. |
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I'm on strike against church. |
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I won't be able to make it, I went to Tijuana this weekend but I forgot my passport to get back in! |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got stuck behind a bus. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got stuck behind a truck. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, the subway got delayed today. |
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I won't be able to make it, my friend is about to jump and I need to talk him down. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm too sunburnt to go out in public. |
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My church clothes are dirty. |
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I'm not coming to church, Sunday football is far more important. |
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I can't make it, I accidentally left my sunroof open all night and the rain flooded my car. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, it took forever to tame my 'fro. |
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1 2 3 4 5 | Follow On Twitter |
The Store |
I feel lucky >
What's your excuse?
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