226 Church Excuses
1 2 3 4 5 | Follow On Twitter |
The Store |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I had high explosives in my bag and airport security interrogated me for hours. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I'm from Alaska so I still follow Alaskan time. |
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I'm sorry I've been absent, I was abducted by aliens. |
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I was abducted by aliens. |
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I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday, an alien larva burst through my stomach. |
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I ate at an all-you-can-eat flax seed and oat bran buffet last night. |
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I'm getting fitted for my robot claw appendage. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got punked by Ashton Kutcher. |
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I won't be able to make it, my asthma is acting up. |
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I'm not coming to church, I've become an atheist. |
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I won't be able to make it, there's something growing on my foot. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I just got back from Chicago. |
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You know how some people have bad hair days? I'm having a bad face day. |
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I won't be able to make it, I got stung by a bee and now I have hives all over. |
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I'd come to church if they'd let me drink a beer in there once in a while! |
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I won't be able to make it, I got into a fistfight yesterday and now I have a black eye. |
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I can't come to church right now, I'm in the middle of a black magic ritual! |
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I won't be able to make it, there's practically a blizzard outside of my house! |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm giving blood and I'll need to rest afterward. |
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I won't be able to make it, I got a bloody nose. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I had to get rid of the body in my trunk. |
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I'd come to church if the Bible weren't so boring. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, someone broke into my house and I had to file a police report. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my alarm clock broke. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I was pulled over for a broken headlight on my way here. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, the bus got delayed today. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'll be on a business trip. |
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I won't be able to make it, my water main broke and I can't take a shower. |
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I couldn't make it yesterday because I was in a car accident. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my car broke down on my way here. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane. |
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I won't be able to make it, I didn't know I was allergic to cats until it was too late. |
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I'm not coming to church, after all I've read about Catholic priests! |
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I'm not coming to church, I work for the government and I believe in separation of church and state. |
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I'm not coming to church, but I'm sure they'll forgive me. |
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I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday, I was too depressed to get out of bed. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I have a phobia of clocks and other assorted timepieces. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my toilet was clogged. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, Starbucks had a long wait. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I've been constipated. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, it took forever to find my good blouse. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, it took forever to find my good dress. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, it took forever to find my good pants. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, it took forever to find my good shirt. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, a creepy old man followed me onto the bus and it took forever to lose him. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my battery died last night and I had to jumpstart my car. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my battery died on my way here and I had to call a tow truck. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, a deer jumped in front of my car and I swerved off the road. |
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I can't come to church, I'm currently possessed by the demon Baal. |
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I won't be able to make it, I ran out of deodorant. |
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1 2 3 4 5 | Follow On Twitter |
The Store |
I feel lucky >
What's your excuse?
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