389 Work Excuses
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The Store |
I feel lucky >
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I'm "going" to "work" from "home" "today." |
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Sorry I missed work. But if I wanted awkward silences in an alcohol-free atmosphere, I'd attend AA. |
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Sorry I was late, I was having a bad acid flashback. |
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I was going to pretend to be sick, but I'm such a good actor, I actually convinced myself I'm sick. |
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It's too hot to work. Air conditioning? You really think of everything, don't you? |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I had high explosives in my bag and airport security interrogated me for hours. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I'm from Alaska so I still follow Alaskan time. |
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I'm sorry I've been absent, I was abducted by aliens. |
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I was abducted by aliens. |
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I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday, an alien larva burst through my stomach. |
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I ate at an all-you-can-eat flax seed and oat bran buffet last night. |
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I'm allergic to Mondays. |
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I know you think I'm always making excuses for not coming to work. And I can explain why... |
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I don't have enough antidepressants to handle working overtime again. |
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I'm getting fitted for my robot claw appendage. |
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Last time I was there, I was forced to work for this arbitrary, imaginary resource called "money." |
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Who's going to make me come in? You and what army? Oh yeah. I forgot I work for the Army. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got punked by Ashton Kutcher. |
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I won't be able to make it, my asthma is acting up. |
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I won't be able to make it, there's something growing on my foot. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I just got back from Chicago. |
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Of course this design sucks, I'm not Steve Jobs. |
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You know how some people have bad hair days? I'm having a bad face day. |
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My band has a gig tonight, so I won't be able to work late. |
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I won't be able to work late tonight, I have to make sure I'm fresh for my presentation tomorrow. |
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I won't be able to make it, I got stung by a bee and now I have hives all over. |
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I don't know. I felt like it. |
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I won't be able to make it, there's practically a blizzard outside of my house! |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm giving blood and I'll need to rest afterward. |
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I won't be able to make it, I got a bloody nose. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I had to get rid of the body in my trunk. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, someone broke into my house and I had to file a police report. |
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If you need me so badly, why don't you bring the work to me? |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my alarm clock broke. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I was pulled over for a broken headlight on my way here. |
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I'll come in if you upgrade my broom closet to a cubicle. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, the bus got delayed today. |
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I won't be coming to the company holiday party, I can't stand business casual. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'll be on a business trip. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my favorite breakfast restaurant sure was busy today! |
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I won't be able to make it, my water main broke and I can't take a shower. |
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I don't care if it IS Canadian, the calendar says it's a holiday and I'm taking it! |
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I couldn't make it yesterday because I was in a car accident. |
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Can't come in today. My car battery and initiative are dead. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, my car broke down on my way here. |
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Listen, do you want me to reduce the company's carbon footprint by staying at home or don't you? |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I got pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane. |
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I'm sorry I'm late, I just have a bad case of the Mondays. |
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Hey, it's casual Friday. I thought I'd, you know, casually not show up. |
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I won't be able to make it, I didn't know I was allergic to cats until it was too late. |
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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Follow On Twitter |
The Store |
I feel lucky >
What's your excuse?
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