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288 Absent Excuses

I'm "going" to "work" from "home" "today." Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'd love to come to your 4th of July party, but I hate America. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Sorry I missed work. But if I wanted awkward silences in an alcohol-free atmosphere, I'd attend AA. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I was going to pretend to be sick, but I'm such a good actor, I actually convinced myself I'm sick. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
It's too hot to work. Air conditioning? You really think of everything, don't you? Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm sorry I've been absent, I was abducted by aliens. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday, an alien larva burst through my stomach. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I ate at an all-you-can-eat flax seed and oat bran buffet last night. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I know you think I'm always making excuses for not coming to work. And I can explain why... Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm getting fitted for my robot claw appendage. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Last time I was there, I was forced to work for this arbitrary, imaginary resource called "money." Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Who's going to make me come in? You and what army? Oh yeah. I forgot I work for the Army. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, my asthma is acting up. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, there's something growing on my foot. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I can't find a babysitter. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
You know how some people have bad hair days? I'm having a bad face day. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I got stung by a bee and now I have hives all over. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I don't know. I felt like it. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I got into a fistfight yesterday and now I have a black eye. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, there's practically a blizzard outside of my house! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I'm giving blood and I'll need to rest afterward. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I got a bloody nose. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'd come to church if the Bible weren't so boring. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
If you need me so badly, why don't you bring the work to me? Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'll come in if you upgrade my broom closet to a cubicle. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be coming to the company holiday party, I can't stand business casual. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I'll be on a business trip. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm sorry, but I can't afford the gas to get there. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm sorry, but I can't afford the plane tickets to get there. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, my water main broke and I can't take a shower. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Sorry I'm not there, I'm in Canada running from assassins killing my friends. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I don't care if it IS Canadian, the calendar says it's a holiday and I'm taking it! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I couldn't make it yesterday because I was in a car accident. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Can't come in today. My car battery and initiative are dead. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Listen, do you want me to reduce the company's carbon footprint by staying at home or don't you? Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Hey, it's casual Friday. I thought I'd, you know, casually not show up. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I didn't know I was allergic to cats until it was too late. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Sorry I can't make it in today. I promise to pretend to catch up tomorrow, though. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'd love to come to your New Year's party, but I only celebrate Chinese New Year. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm not coming to your Christmas party because I hate Christianity. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, it's Cinco De Mayo. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm not coming to your holiday party, I get claustrophobic around all those people. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday, I was too depressed to get out of bed. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Like I said before, the office is too cold. But then when I build a small fire, you complain! Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
Listen, our conference call sounds fun, but I have a prior commitment stabbing my eyes out. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I have a conference with my daughter's teacher. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I won't be able to make it, I have a conference with my son's teacher. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I can't make it into work today. I plan on convincing myself I'm sick right after I hang up. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
I have a conflict with my other job, which is a professional couch-bound eater of potato chips. Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook
COUGH COUGH SNORK COUGH SNORT KAFF HORRRRRRK SNORRT KAFF! There. Any questions? Share On Facebook Share On Twitter Share on Messenger Facebook

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