288 Absent Excuses
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The Store |
I feel lucky >
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I'm "going" to "work" from "home" "today." |
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I'd love to come to your 4th of July party, but I hate America. |
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Sorry I missed work. But if I wanted awkward silences in an alcohol-free atmosphere, I'd attend AA. |
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I was going to pretend to be sick, but I'm such a good actor, I actually convinced myself I'm sick. |
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It's too hot to work. Air conditioning? You really think of everything, don't you? |
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I'm sorry I've been absent, I was abducted by aliens. |
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I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday, an alien larva burst through my stomach. |
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I ate at an all-you-can-eat flax seed and oat bran buffet last night. |
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I know you think I'm always making excuses for not coming to work. And I can explain why... |
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I'm getting fitted for my robot claw appendage. |
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Last time I was there, I was forced to work for this arbitrary, imaginary resource called "money." |
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Who's going to make me come in? You and what army? Oh yeah. I forgot I work for the Army. |
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I won't be able to make it, my asthma is acting up. |
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I won't be able to make it, there's something growing on my foot. |
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I won't be able to make it, I can't find a babysitter. |
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You know how some people have bad hair days? I'm having a bad face day. |
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I won't be able to make it, I got stung by a bee and now I have hives all over. |
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I don't know. I felt like it. |
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I won't be able to make it, I got into a fistfight yesterday and now I have a black eye. |
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I won't be able to make it, there's practically a blizzard outside of my house! |
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I won't be able to make it, I'm giving blood and I'll need to rest afterward. |
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I won't be able to make it, I got a bloody nose. |
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I'd come to church if the Bible weren't so boring. |
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If you need me so badly, why don't you bring the work to me? |
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I'll come in if you upgrade my broom closet to a cubicle. |
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I won't be coming to the company holiday party, I can't stand business casual. |
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I won't be able to make it, I'll be on a business trip. |
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I'm sorry, but I can't afford the gas to get there. |
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I'm sorry, but I can't afford the plane tickets to get there. |
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I won't be able to make it, my water main broke and I can't take a shower. |
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Sorry I'm not there, I'm in Canada running from assassins killing my friends. |
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I don't care if it IS Canadian, the calendar says it's a holiday and I'm taking it! |
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I couldn't make it yesterday because I was in a car accident. |
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Can't come in today. My car battery and initiative are dead. |
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Listen, do you want me to reduce the company's carbon footprint by staying at home or don't you? |
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Hey, it's casual Friday. I thought I'd, you know, casually not show up. |
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I won't be able to make it, I didn't know I was allergic to cats until it was too late. |
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Sorry I can't make it in today. I promise to pretend to catch up tomorrow, though. |
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I'd love to come to your New Year's party, but I only celebrate Chinese New Year. |
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I'm not coming to your Christmas party because I hate Christianity. |
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I won't be able to make it, it's Cinco De Mayo. |
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I'm not coming to your holiday party, I get claustrophobic around all those people. |
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I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday, I was too depressed to get out of bed. |
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Like I said before, the office is too cold. But then when I build a small fire, you complain! |
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Listen, our conference call sounds fun, but I have a prior commitment stabbing my eyes out. |
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I won't be able to make it, I have a conference with my daughter's teacher. |
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I won't be able to make it, I have a conference with my son's teacher. |
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I can't make it into work today. I plan on convincing myself I'm sick right after I hang up. |
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I have a conflict with my other job, which is a professional couch-bound eater of potato chips. |
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COUGH COUGH SNORK COUGH SNORT KAFF HORRRRRRK SNORRT KAFF! There. Any questions? |
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1 2 3 4 5 6 | Follow On Twitter |
The Store |
I feel lucky >
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